The Three Massage-keteers (Lai-San (Porthos), Mike (Athos), and Eric (Aramis)) travel from massage parlor to massage parlor, sampling the hands and elbows of Los Angeles area massage people, so you don't have to. Review System That Makes The Most Sense Out Of All Of Them: Sword Down = Good Experience. No Need To Draw Sword. Sword Up = Bad Experience. Sword Drawn To Challenge Massage Place To A Fight Dagger Up = Not Great Experience. Dagger Drawn To Show Mild Dissatisfaction.

Reviews:

12/17/2016	Nowhere :(	Nowhere :(
Nothin' :(
We didn't go again. Also, we won't have anything for a little while due to holidays, etc. I miss you. :(

12/10/2016	Five Star Foot & Body Massage	Burbank
""Three"" Swords Down
Porthos: Sword Down	For logistics, please see October 15's entry. So great, as always. I went with the foot massage this time to change it up. I might conclude after this visit that the full body massage is a slightly better overall experience. But sometimes you want a good solid foot massage to be part of the package, and this massage delivers. The foot portion is easily the best foot massage I've ever had. They massage more muscles in more different ways than anywhere else I've tried.
Athos: Sword Down	So good, once again. It always seems to be exactly what I need. It's never the same massage, which is great. That tells me they're not just going through the motions of some sort of pre-programmed routine, but feeling out what I need, and giving me just that. It's always been the right pressure, in all the right places. I have nothing negative to say about this place, they've continually impressed me.
Aramis:	Aramis sat this one out.

12/03/2016	Jolly Foot	North Hollywood
Coming Soon!
Porthos: Sword Up	I really wanted to like this place because of the lovely experience I had talking to the owner on the phone while making our appointment, but unfortunately the massage was not as lovely. Probably would not come back. The logistics: This place had an interesting set-up. It was similar to a Pampered Foot/5 Star situation (one big room with many massage chairs) but it had curtains hanging all around that could be pulled every which way to separate the space into little private areas. There were many massage options on the menu, from foot only to body only with many different combinations in between. The prices were comparable to Pampered Foot & 5 Star: $25 for a one-hour "foot" (really foot & body) massage and $45 for a one-hour body massage. Review: When I called to make the appointment, I spoke with Robert, the owner, and he was very friendly. He asked for my name and when he didn't recognize it, asked me if I was a new customer. I said yes and he said they would be honored to have us and asked if we knew how to get there and so on. Basically he seemed super nice and I was feeling very excited for this massage. I opted for the "gold combo," which is 30 min feet & 30 min body. Sadly, it was pretty subpar. My masseuse didn't seem to have very good technique. Most of the things he did felt just slightly off - either kind of neutral, like they weren't really doing anything, or sometimes actually unpleasant. He also was using too little pressure, and when I told him he could us more pressure, he didn't adjust very much. Another small gripe I had was that the place was kind of noisy - not a very relaxing atmosphere. All in all, when you consider that Pampered Foot & 5 Star are both offering this type of experience, but better, at the same price, the choice is a no-brainer. Sorry, Robert, you were so nice, but friendliness is not enough to make up for a disappointing massage.
Athos: Sword Up	Review Coming Soon!
Aramis:	Review Coming Soon!

11/26/2016	Relax House	North Hollywood
2.5 Swords Down
Porthos: Sword Down	This massage was amazing. Definitely up there with 5 Star for me. Logistics: This place is all private rooms. They were nicely decorated and had candles which made for a soothing ambience. It was probably the "fanciest" massage place we've been to so far, but at this point the fanciness bar is admittedly VERY low. They have several massage options that are all $45 or $50 for an hour: Thai, Swedish, Combo Thai/Swedish, and Deep Tissue. Plus a pregnancy massage, which wasn't applicable to any of us, but hey, it's there. There's also a $149 hot stone and aromatherapy massage, which was tempting, but we thought we'd try their cheaper massages first. They gave us the special 3-person deal whereby you get 3 hour-long massages for $109. So, if you happen to have 3 people like us, it's super cheap. Review: I went with the Thai massage. I love me a bendy, stretchy massage that gets into your muscles and knots real good. This was an outstanding Thai massage. My masseuse asked if she could walk on my back and I was like, "Uhhh, yes please." [Side note, I'm curious what they do if you says no because the majority of the massage was her standing/walking on me.] She used her feet to dig deep into my knots and it was heavenly. The only negative aspect (which was probably my own fault for not having my face positioned perfectly in the face hole) was that sometimes when she was standing on the upper part of my back, it sort of put too much pressure on my neck and choked me a little. I must say, it is really hard to position your face perfectly in the face hole. I don't think I ever do it quite right. At the end of the massage, she did all the Thai yoga body twisting stuff and got lots of cracks. I'm a pretty crackable person but I've been surprised at how many Thai massages I've had where the person has tried to crack my back at the end, but failed to get any cracks. It's always pretty sad. Anyway, this masseuse had the right intuition and technique and I was very pleased. Sword way down; I hope to return.
Athos: Sword Down	Fiiiiiinally, we went to a new massage place. Trying out the old Relax House in NOHO, at one of those five-way intersections you hear so much about. Great place, quite friendly, quite comfy, Porthos and Athos loved the place a lot, Aramis might have another take. There's a chance he drew his sword on this one. Let's wait and see what he has to say first hand! As is the case for a lot of these reviews, more details to come!
Aramis: Dagger Up	Review Coming Soon!

11/19/2016	Nowhere Again :(	Nowhere Again :(
Nothin' Again :(
We didn't go again. We didn't see them next week from last week. Sorry Five Star. My back hurts again. :(

11/12/2016	Five Star Foot & Body Massage	Burbank
Three Swords Down
Porthos: Sword Down	Another highly satisfying massage, again. 5 Star is consistently great! For logistics, please see October 15's entry. Review: I tried the full body massage again this time and asked that the masseuse avoid the thigh area. They did and I had a fully relaxing experience. No complaints; came out feeling great, as one always does when one leaves 5 Star.
Athos: Sword Down	Back to Five Star again. We were going to try another place, but we made the appointment too late, so we were unable to get a spot for three of us. We decided to go with our old favorite, and we were not disappointed. The host immediately recognized us, and was as kind as ever. "Oh, back again, you tried the foot massage first, and then the body. You liked the body better, huh? Body again?" Great massage, as always. We left to a friendly "See you next week! ;)" We'll see, Five Star. We will see.
Aramis: Sword Down	Review Coming Soon!

11/05/2016	Nowhere :(	Nowhere :(
Nothin' :(
We didn't go. My back hurts. :(

10/29/2016	Five Star Foot & Body Massage	Burbank
""Three"" Swords Down
Porthos:	Porthos sat this one out.
Athos: Sword Down	Another duo visit, this time Porthos had a halloween party to go to, so I picked up Aramis from the office (weekend work, amirite?). Again, we assume Porthos would agree with our thoughts. Sadly, Porthos will be out next weekend again, so we'll likely revisit a past parlor, but look forward to November 12th, when the Three Massageketeers will reunite once again and find a new location to visit! I have to say though, we are in love with this place!
Aramis: Sword Down	Review Coming Soon!

10/22/2016	Five Star Foot & Body Massage	Burbank
""Three"" Swords Down
Porthos: Sword Down	Another highly satisfying massage! For logistics, please see October 15's entry. Review: This week, I went for the full body massage in the private room. It was pretty great. My masseuse got a lot of cracks in my back, and being able to get cracks earns a masseuse major points in my book. The massage was high quality and very relaxing. The one thing I didn't like was that he spent a lot of time massaging my thighs, which as I mentioned in a previous review, I'm not a fan of. I didn't speak up about it though, so I don't hold it against him. The hot stone element was very nice. I've had one hot stone massage before in my life, which I loved. The hot stone portion of this massage wasn't quite as good because he didn't use the stones to dig into my muscles as much as I would've liked. But I'm being nit-picky; it still felt amazing. The morning after this massage, my neck and shoulders felt noticeably looser. This massage was by all means great, but I have to say that I miiiiight prefer 5 Star's foot massage. I would give this another chance though, and perhaps ask the masseuse not to do the thighs next time.
Athos: Sword Down	This was a duo visit by only me and Porthos, to try out the $40 private full body massage, though we're sure Aramis would have agreed with our sword placement.
Aramis:	Aramis sat this one out.

10/15/2016	Five Star Foot & Body Massage	Burbank
Three Swords Down
Porthos: Sword Down	This place is heaven. Read on and you will see why we came here for our next THREE outings even though we should have been trying new places. It's just too good! The logistics: The set-up is similar to that of Pampered Foot - one big room with many massage beds* in it (*actually big comfy chairs that are reclined so far back that you're almost lying down, but not quite). This place has more menu options than Pampered Foot though. In addition to the $25 "foot massage" (which is really a full body massage), you have the option of a $40 "full body massage" (which is also really a full body massage, but is more involved). The former takes place in the large room, fully clothed; the latter takes place in a private room either for 1 person or 2 people, unclothed, and includes hot stones. Review: This week, to get our feet wet (literally and figuratively), we tried the foot massage. It was so amazing that words cannot adequately describe it. The masseuses here all seem to have the magic touch that we crave. They somehow knew, without us needing to tell them, exactly how much pressure we wanted. It was the perfect balance of relaxation and knot work. I was so relaxed I fell asleep for part of it, but they also got deep into the knots in my shoulders/neck and did a particularly good job on the tension in my feet as well. I never wanted it to end. Bonus points because the owner of the place is one of the most friendly we've encountered. The fact that 5 Star is sooo cheap and sooo good makes it pretty much the ideal massage parlor. Even though I live closer to Pampered Foot, I will drive over to Burbank for 5 Star any day. Sword way, way, way down for me!
Athos: Sword Down	Review Coming Soon!
Aramis: Sword Down	Review Coming Soon!

10/08/2016	Pampered Foot	Studio City
Three Swords Down
Porthos: Sword Down	Before The Three Massageketeers was founded, this was my go-to place because it's cheap and 75% of the time, very good. (The other 25% of the time, it was just ok. Never bad though!) The logistics: They only have one service - a $25 one-hour "foot massage" which is really a full body massage. It's kind of nice not to have to make any decisions. The set-up is one big dimly lit room with many massage beds in it. It's not as awkward as it sounds; the atmosphere is actually pretty relaxing. And they play soothing instrumental versions of classics like "I Want To Know What Love Is." Review: I was loyal to Pampered Foot for a long time and still have fond feelings for it. To be honest, it is a little hit or miss though. A couple of the masseuses I had were great, but some did not have the magic touch. Once we tried 5 Star in Burbank, I was ready to jump ship. That said, if you live near The Pampered Foot, it's worth giving a try because it is such a good deal. Maybe you'll be lucky and get a great masseuse. If you do, please share the wealth and email us his or her name.
Athos: Sword Down	Review Coming Soon!
Aramis: Sword Down	Review Coming Soon!

09/24/2016	Healing Hands	Sherman Oaks
Three Swords Down
Porthos: Sword Down	I was very impressed with Healing Hands. The hands of the masseuses there certainly live up to the name. The logistics: It is located in a mall and is just one big room with many massage chairs. The kind you usually see in malls, where you're sitting kind of upright but with your face in a little face rest. The cost is based on the number of minutes you get, and you can ask them to massage whatever part of your body you want and they do it! Review: This place was great! They really dig into your back and shoulders with their elbows and tackle your knots. It's nice that they only focus on the part of your body that you want. (For contrast, other places might spend 10 minutes out of an hour long massage on your thighs, and who really needs their thighs massaged? Well, maybe some people. But not me.) This place is a little pricier than the other massage places we've been to, but every minute feels worthwhile. The one con, in my opinion, is the ambience. It's pretty much totally bright and has the vibe of a hair or nail salon. Also the upright sitting position doesn't allow for total and complete relaxation the way lying down does. If you're looking a quick way to have some knots worked on though, this is a great option.
Athos: Sword Down	Review Coming Soon!
Aramis: Sword Down	Review Coming Soon!